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The Mecha Neko
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3rd-May-2011 10:48 pm - Maru. your eyes~ <3
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what about it? it's NAKAMARU YUICHI YAAAY~
i'm sorry i can;t make koki. junno and jin today~
will do later.. eheh. so the bonus is this~
a.. messy.. comic.
it's my first time.. errr not rly. but it;s my first time on photoshop
i;m only good at paints ahaha (really!)
sorry if it;s weird ahahaha


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p.s :
i'll make some serious ones laterrr ahaha~
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so i think i should stop making fanfics ahaha
what i can only do right is drawing. or sketching
so yoroshiku onegaishimasu~
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this is my frist time! ahaha don't be harsh
it's just a tracing on photoshop kyaa but i love the ueda one.
i'll try making some mini comic panels too later! ciao!
25th-Apr-2011 08:03 pm - i've been so strong

this was just a sarcasm
isn't thom just lovely?
nobody would get what i want. i used to think i would write a lot
but i can't think of any ways to place right words to express my feelings
i can't express it. the feeling of loss.
one year i've been trough without my mother
and i know all they are giving me is plastic concern

i don't understand why things are like this
i have no points
20th-Apr-2011 10:23 pm - VAMPAYA DAAAAAA?


first time ever. i posted anything about college on a blog
okay. so i've been busy for about three days already (no you're not. you act like you're busy)
and it's because i've been working on an assignments. a computer graphic one.
well yanno. i'm never good at this subject. i'm not into..
well i'm into computer. but when i saw people are doing so good without learning.
they're like a friggin' PRO already. gimme a break. i wasted all my time on games and manga.

and people are already PROs
lemme tell you i never touch ADOBE ILLUSTRATOR before

and this is it.

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12th-Apr-2011 12:58 am - My Helpless Butterfly (Part 2)
Title : My Helpless Butterfly
Author : Mars
Rating : Still PG-15 still safe. fluff.
Starring : Yamada Ryosuke. Kamenashi Kazuya. OCs and friends
Disclaimer : i own Ryosuke and Kazuya in my (lucid) dream

“I’m sorry for being selfish”

That’s all mayu said in his email. Yamada sighed as he stepped into his apartement. The only place to calm down. The members have rights to stay in an apartement or their parents house. Yamada chose to be here, so he didn’t make his family targets of the freaky fans of his. It’s a luxurios one for someone at his age. He threw himself and buried his face on the comfy sofa .

‘’this can’t be happening.. no” he murmured.

He couldn’t calm down. Instead, he builds projections of fears. What would happen if he really did that and that kid is his actual child. What about the media? His parents? His fans? And worst, what about hey! Say! JUMP? They would get the impact too. Hey say JUMP is known for their high spirits, their innocence. And all of the happy cheering. Not someone like he is right now.

“meet me tomorrow at the park”

He just typed the address, sent the email and sleep, he wished all of this was just a dream.


“eh honto? A day off?” kame smiled as soon as he heard the staff. “yes, apparently there is no job for you guys today, congrats” the five guys grinned. “yey!” junno shouted cheerfully. “yeah! Then who’s up for a drink!?” kame thrilled. “a—i’m so sorry I have to pass. I have to do something in my parents house” nakamaru said with guilt. “a- boku mo. I guess I can use this rare free time to train for mouse peace” ueda followed. “ah.. souka” kame sighed and turned to junno and koki. “o-ore wa—“

“ah hai hai, daijobou da yo. I’ll just go back home and rest” kame said.

“ho-honto ni gomennasai yo” junno said as kame walked away dissapointedly. He actually missed where they’ll go home together, and sometimes hang out even they didn’t like each other that time. When KAT-TUN were still six weird men. “I’m just a little boy huh” he tought, while he started the car engine and drove, remembering the ex-member and past memories.

He parked near a small convenience store.

Buying all the groceries on his own. “maybe I should marry na” kame laughed at himself, putting all things he wanted randomly into the cart, if jin was here he would make fun of him. He could hangout with his close friends or family now, but he just didn’t feel like it.

“u-wa” kame heard something fell. It was a pack of squids, near his feet.  “kore” kame took it and stood, to find a charming girl standing in front of him. “go-gomen, I dropped it” she said. “ah” as soon as she talked, the voice turned into a familiar memories. “you’re the one who— yesterday”

“ah! I bumped onto you!? I’m sorry, sorry- I was in such hurry that time” mayumi arimura, bowed several times. “ah—iie, daijobou da yo. I just remembered” kame nods his head in awkwardness. “mama” a child voice called out. It’s the little chou, on the trolley calling for his mother. “eh who is that cute little kid? Your little brother?” kame hurriedly ran to him. “a—a chotto matte”

“konnichiwa” kame said, smiling to the little boy who’s sitting on the trolley seat. “mmu—mamaa” the boy insisted, he wants his mother.

“say konnichiwa to oji-san, come on” fuyu came and lifted him. “`konn-“ he stopped, staring with his big brown eyes. making kame litteraly squaled. “ni?” his mother helped. “ni—chii” he stopped again. “waaa” kame finished the unfinished greeting. “ah, gomen he just learned” fuyu said. “daijobou, you’re a smart boy!” kame messed chou’s few strands of hairs.

Kame looked at the two who’s standing in front of him, and realized that he’s not in disguise as usual. He usually wear many outfits. Like coats, scarf, hat and sunglasses so nobody would recognize him. But the girl in front of him didn’t really seem to notice. “ano, what’s his name?” he asked. “chou, just call him chou” fuyu said, putting her son back on the trolley. “oh, and what’s yours?”

“f-fuyumi arimura” she murmured.


“hai.. um” fuyu didn’t really know how to react. “you like squids?” fuyu fastly nodded. “a friend of mine used to buy it everytime we stopped on convenience store. It’s funny that I saw it again, without buying it” kame sighed, on the memories. The ex-member. “ah.. sou. Then, why don’t you buy it too? Ima”

“e-eh? But I’m going to get worse, nobody’s going to eat it” he said nervously. “why? Then.. why don’t you just make it in a bento for your friends? They’d love it, I’m sure” fuyu smiled sweetly. “eh..”

“oh, I have to go. Matta ne—“ fuyu looked at her watch and waved at kame. “w-wait, do you even know me or—something?” he asked before fuyu left. “e- of course. You’re johnnys aren’t you”

“eh, this girl are really clueless. Of course I am, but I think she didn’t even know which group I am in” kame tought. “y-yes” kame answered. “bye bye” kame waved back slowly as fuyu left.


“konnichiwa”  mayu approached the guy in disguise. Wearing jackets, sunglasses, in the middle of a sunny day. In a local park. That must be him. “hey” yamada shifted, making a space for her and chou to sit. “I’m sorry, I’m late. I have to buy some things for dinner” mayu said. She took a seat nervously. “hey I’m a.. I’m sorry for yesterday” yamada said.

“it’s okay. I’m sorry too. I- I’m going to.. take what I said earlier. I’m sorry. I won’t ruin your life” the girl beside yamada smiled. “wh- what. No! how could you? I already made my mind. and I already line up what I’m going to say, I practiced while waiting” he nagged. “eh?”

“maybe I’m not sure yet about chounosuke. But I don’t want to be an irresponsible man. I’m a man and I have to be responsible for what I did. Even if it’s wrong but I have to face it. So I want to take responsibility of chou and you. So.. so…” he stopped, line of sweat fell on his forehead.

“so from now on don’t hesitate. Just, call me if you need someone to help you. Or anything you two need. Just please do” at last yamada finished his sentence. Even though it’s not what he’s been practicing about moment ago, but that’s the point. Mayu looks shocked enough.  “yo- you’re okay with it? I could—I could have ruin your..”

“it’s your right to do so. I have to take full responsible for what I did”

“but.. but you’re not sure about chou.. what if he’s not your child?” mayu asked, just to make sure.

“maybe I’m not sure yet. But I believe you” he replied firmly.

“so.. so.. please email me everyday! Yoroshiku onegaishimasu! I have works to do. Shitsurei!” yamada patted chou’s  head, quickly bowed and ran away before mayu could do anything. “that guy.. what’s wrong with him. Didn’t he yelled at me yesterday?” mayu sighed, feeling guilty.




the next day..

“oi kame~ where have you been. You’re late yo” koki greeted as kamenashi entered KAT-TUN’s room. The baseball guy smiled awkwardly. “hey hey hey~ I’m so sorry for yesterday.. I have to go to a friend’s house” junno said looking at kame’s flat expression. “eh, daijobu daijobu. Um. Are you guys.. um.. like.. hungry or something?” kame asked nervously. Gripping the plastic bag on his hand harder.

“eh? Nani?” ueda asked, turned along with his chair with manga on his hand. “i- I umm. I have some.. some.. foods if you, well.. if you didn’t want to.. it’s okay though” he hesitated. “nanda yo?” koki took the plastic bag from his hands. “eh no! i—uuuh!” but the others already opened it and find 3 boxes. “nani kore? Eh? Bento?” junno said excitedly. “waaah. Hontou da? You made it yourself?” maru took one of them and opened it. “u-uwaaa” he said looking at it. It may be not cute but that’s why they could figured that it was kame who made it. Rice with some squids on the side piled up tidily.

“squids” koki murmured and looked at kame. All 4 of them clicked the same memory. Memory of the ex-members and dozens of lunch they ate together. “i- i- I brought it randomly. I just tought, maybe you—you guys are hungry so..”  ueda took one too and quickly took his chopstick and grab a bite. It’s still warm. “so, that’s why you’re late” he said while munching.

“eh I want one too. Can i?” junno grinned happily. “no, it’s mine! Kame’s handmade” koki said, taking the last bento. “i- I told you I didn’t make it. I—“ kame tried to lie. “eeeh. What about me?” junno whinned. “ah I forgot” kame grinned.

“oeeee” everybody laughed at junno’s face. “iyaa, of course I remember. Kore” kame took one in the last plastic bag and gave it to junno. “ah arigatou” he smiled. “oaaaah, umai” koki said happily while chewing. “eh honto?” kame made it more clear that he’s the one who made all of them. “un. Umaaaa-I yo” nakamaru said. Ueda nodded, too busy eating. “oishii” junno said. “yokatta"

“ne, kame. Why didn’t you practice before you’re planning to lie to us?” koki said.

“wha—eh.. no—I” kame received a warm smile and chuckles from KAT-TUN. Just like the old times. Somehow he felt really happy inside. “thank you” ueda said, smiling. “you’re welcome. ah, I see. You guys are hungry” kame laughed. “yeah. And if you don’t mind why don’t you make bentos for us everyday” kame smacked maru’s head with a magazine. “baka, go find a girlfriend” kame grinned. “eeeeh so rude!” everybody laughed again.

Suddenly there’s a knock on the door. “kamenashi-san” it’s yamada’s voice. “a chotto matte” kame said to the members and hurriedly went to the entrance. “eh hi! Yama-chan. What’s up?” he asked. Yamada startled, to find his senior looked so happy. Really different, the last time they met. He used to be so flat after KAT-TUN lose a member.

“eh! Ano. Sorry for disturbing. I just want to say thank you for your advice. It worked.. and I think you’re right!” yamada bowed. “eh? Advice? About what?” kame grinned. “you don’t have to remember. But it helped me a lot! Can I ask you if I need any advice again? You’re the only adult I can ask” yamada asked politely.

“of course you can. But I’m just a kid you know. Just for your information” kame smiled at his junior. “hai! Thank you so much!” he bowed once again and left.

“ah.. sou” kame said to himself as he closed the door. “I have to thank that girl too” he tought. “but where? didn’t even know her” he sighed.

"fuyumi...." kame said in the middle of the lunch with KAT-TUN.
"what?" maru asked. "her name! i remember! fuyumi arimura! ohhhh! so smart so smart!" kame stood. up.
"hey sit down. what are you talking about?" koki asked looking at the hyper kame. "no! no! her name i remember! fuyumi-chan oa-ahahah smart kamenashi!" he did the peace sign.

"hey slow down. tell us" junno said.

"eh~ eh! but the cute little boy called him mama~ does it mean? ohh~ no. she's married? no! this is a no. i can't be interested in a married woman. well.. ma.. even though i love older woman.. eh? eh but no! what about his husband!? oh what should i do, what should i do?"

"what is with him?" junno asked ueda who's still eating.
"i don't know" he replied, then get back to his food again.
"he tried to look worried but he's actually so happy" maru said.
"kame..." koki shooked.

to be contiuned...



11th-Apr-2011 11:49 am - i want to watch KAT-TUN someday
i just got some problems with my friend again. well, she is not my friend anymore now.
ma, na! it's been a while since i'm writing a blog! it's been like 2 years already. because i stopped.
i stopped because all things that i;ve wrotten was so depressing but i found it funny.
i'm not that depressive anyway. in real life. i always made people laugh.
but i'm happy. i'm happy to see people's laugh.
even when they're laughing at me~ it's fun ne.

oh well okay get with the topic.
super junior is coming to jakarta, indonesia.
my friend love them so much just like i love KAT-TUN
and i have some high-school friends who's interested in them too.
well.. it's like as if, i'm envious.

i just bought KAT-TUN world tour dvd last week. even tho i'm late~
demo ne. it looks so fun. it looks fun to watch them in one venue/ to be in the same place where..
kat-tun and hypens is. i want to watch them so bad. i want to feel the experience.
i'm a passive fan just so you know. i didn't even talk in forum because..
ahahahaha. because of a dumb reason. i made a mistake.
ma.. i still want to watch them~

i have a relative in fukuoka. and i heard ta-cchan is going to perform in fukuoka
the mouse peace? i think so! and i really want to go
but i didn't even have a passport.
and i didn't know.
if my relative there are okay with it.

man. the feeling when you wanted to do something but you cant.
like when you wanted to take a sick stray cat home but you cant
isn't it.. so.. awkward.
ah. ahaha i should do my assignments soon~
'kay bye~
5th-Mar-2011 07:36 pm - My Helpless Butterfly
Title : “My Helpless Butterfly”
Author : Mars
Rating : PG-15 FOR NOW
Starring : Hey! Say! JUMP’s Yamada Ryosuke & KAT-TUN’s Kamenashi Kazuya and all friends

It’s been 5 minutes since yamada ryosuke (18) got his unexpected visitor. It’s rare for johnnys to get visitor on their rehearsal time. It usually an urgent family needs, or some relatives from work. But it’s different for today.

“yama-chan, please don’t panic”

“how could I !? I mean, look chinen. She brought a baby, a real baby” the older one shouted at chinen, the others could only stay silent, they’re all confused. Just a while ago a girl came to meet yamada ryosuke. She brings her baby with her, and said that the baby was yamada’s. he walks around, making circles while others watching. “this is my fault” yabu finally break the silence. “if only I didn’t ask you to come to the bar that night” yamada turned and looked at 9 close friends of his. “what? You all think I did this?” he said. “that night, when you all took me to the bar.. I drink a little and talk to her. I just remember that, and next morning I woke up on the hotel room. I don’t know anything, I’m not sure if we did it or not.. I didn’t mean to.. I’m drunk…”

“yama-chan…” chinen tapped his shoulder with worries.

“he’s—he’s right, she could be lying. You know.. fans” Ryutaro tried to save the day. “but she wouldn’t go this far, and the security let her in. that wouldn’t be possible” keito answered. “but that baby, he’s already 1 year or such right? I mean.. why now?” hikaru said making yamada’s head spin faster. “yama-chan, I think you should talk to him” yamada looked at chinen cute worried face and sighed. “wait…”


The girl, looked familiar to him somehow. Yamada took a seat in front of her. “do you want my money or what” the hey say jump members were all shocked by yamada’s first sentence. “what!? What did you say!? No! I don’t want your money you---“

“then what do you want!? I don’t remember anything. It’s one year ago. You said he’s 1 year old now. I mean why now? Why not 1 year ago, so all of this didn’t happen!? I don’t believe you!”

“I don’t want everyone to hurt him. I don’t really want you to know that time, because you’d told me to do an abortion” that girl inhales oxygen and barely let them out. She’s telling the truth, yamada tought. He remembered that night he met her and talked because all the members were having a personal party, and he’s not in the mood that time. Yamada take a good look at them once again,
The girl looks mature, maybe older than him. she’s slim but shorter than him. Her tired face and wavy messy hair can’t hide her prettiness. Actually yamada would like her in other situation. And then the baby she was carrying, who’s resting on her arms peacefully. The baby looks chubby, with his small body of one year old. and somehow he looked like yamada with that big eyes. He realized that he was smiling looking at the cute child’s face. “he’s cute, ne?” yamada nodded, and tried to go back to the topic.

“oh god” he rested his head on his palm. “so.. what do you want, you’re going to tell everyone? That I’m a 17 years old idol who already have a child?” the girl instantly shooked. “please, you’re driving me crazy”
“what, you’re afraid that I will force you to marry me? And I will take all your money? Or maybe you just want to kill me so bad or ruining your popularity, and all your glamorous life?”

“urusai! Watch your words!”


Suddenly the little baby whines and let out small cry. Maybe because of yamada’s raised tones. “c-chou, hey, hey shhh shh-“ the girl tries to calm the little one. “i-I’m sorry” yamada can’t bare looking at such a little cute baby cried because afraid of him. “I’m sorry” he touched the baby’s chubby cheek. Feels so soft. “I’m sorry shh-shh” yamada patted on the little boy. “chounosuke”


“his name..” she looked down, embarrassed for saying the familiar name to yamada. “chou?” yamada asked. “nice name.. what’s your name?”

“m-mayu” the girl answered nervously. “oh, you named him after you.. mayu, then chou” the girl named mayu nodded. Little chou’s cry has been quieted down a little. “I just, want you to know. That he exist. And I want him to have father, but I didn’t asked you to marry me.. I just want him to meet you” mayu said. Yamada looked at them silently minutes after. “how did you manage to raise him all this time?”
“I work” she answered simply.

Yamada quickly took a pen on the table and wrote on a little note. “kore” he handed her the note. “w-what is this?” asked mayu. “I need time to think. It’s so sudden.. this is my email, my phone number and fax. Tell me if you need something, you should at least make appointment before meeting me.. okay”
The confused girl nods as she took the memo paper from the table. “ano, shitsureishimasu”
“chotto! You should at least tell me your email too!”

But the mysterious girl already left in hurry. Maybe she feels guilty for doing this.




“sumimasen!” mayu bowed numerously, knowing he just bumped to a man on her way out of the building. “ow..” the man in front of him rubbed his head. Still didn’t face her. “I’m so sorry, I’m in a hurry—!” mayu resumed running leaving him.

“ow.. what was that..” kamenashi kazuya (25) the K from KAT-TUN who just came back from a photoshoot. “kamenashi-kun!” someone called, and walked towards him. “ah ueda, hi” he smiled, still rubbing his head. “we’re waiting for you. Eh? What happened?” ueda asked looking at his partner. “ah nande mo nai. A girl just bumped to me, and.. a—ittai” he hissed. “ah she runs really fast”


“mayumi arimura. 20 years old. Works part time, didn’t have parents, and lives in a low-class apartement near the river bank” inoo put some papers on the table. “that’s all the information I can get”
“20 years old” yamada murmured. “it’s not your fault yama-chan, you’re drunk” said yuto. “I don’t know.. I really don’t know. I don’ know” yamada mess his hairs with his fingers in stress. “so what are you going to do now?” yabu said. “yabu-kun!” chinen shouted. “hey he has to make deesicions. We don’t know if this is all true or not, so we couldn’t just ignore it! So what, you want to sit there while she’s going to tell all the media that the cute yamada ryosuke from Hey! Say! JUMP actually have a child? And what about us?”


Chinen voice raised. Making the room of 10 person silent. “i-I’m sorry” yabu said. “I’m just worried” chinen turned to yamada who closed his eyes. Isn’t it normal? He’s just 18 and he’s having a really good time, fun work, popularity, nice fans. Fun times with his friends in his youth, all of it. All of it is going to disappear?
“I will find a way to know, and solve the problem” yamada said firmly.

“I won’t make troubles for the group. I love the group too much, I don’t want to break it because of my stupidity. I’m so sorry for all the troubles” yamada stood and bowed. “ya-yama-chan..” yamada hurried to the door and left..


Hey, I just want to solve our problems
But I don’t know why.
Please don’t tell the media,
I don’t want to broke Hey! Say! JUMP


Yamada looked at his phone screen again, and put his thumb on the green button. “oi yamada-kuuuun~” someone tapped his shoulder, he hurriedly closed his cellphone and turned. “oh! Koki-kun! Kamenashi-kun! Konnichiwa” he grinned at the two seniors. Sometimes he met seniors on the parking lot but today they met on the coffe shop near the johnny’s building. The building is not really visible or looked official or something, it just looked like a usuall office. So people won’t know. The shop there are organized too.

“seat’s empty?” koki asked.

“a—dozoo, dozoo!” yamada nods his head.

“the usual?”. “the usual please” kame smiled to koki’s question. He, junno, koki and nakamaru usually get here after rehearsals. “hee, why are you alone here yama-chan? Where’s yuto-kun and the others?” kame asked, while fixing his brownish hair. “iie, i—I’m just.. I just feel taking a break alone today”. “hmmm” kame nodded and opened his cellphone too. “ano… kamenashi-kun”

“hm?” kame just rolled his eyes to yamada without moving a bit. So tempting. No wonder why she made many girls screamed, yamada tought. “c-can I ask you a weird question?” kame chuckled a little and fixed his gestures. “I’m used to weird question”

“if, suddenly.. a girl came to you, with a child. And she said he was yours. What would you do?”


“i-I told you.. it’s weird”

“hmm.. well. First I will found out wether it’s true or not of course. But if it’s really true, of course I would take full responsible for what I’ve done. That’s a must right? Like it or not” yamada nodded, as expected. The answer from a matured man. But he’s not yet mature.

“eh, but why are you asking---“

“ta-daaam~ coffe coffe” koki suddenly came with their order.

“i-I’m sorry I have to go, see you later. Thank you so much” yamada bowed and ran out.

“e-eeee—but, but I just brought him a strawberry juice” koki said, confused. “now who’s going to drink it?”
he added, looking at kame. “e? me? No no—no I don’t like strawberries!”

To be continued,

Sorry its so messy I'm on my phone man
Title :  Con
Author : marspon
Rating/ Genre : G/ SUPER ANGST-slight romance
Character : OC and young kyo from dir en grey
Disclaimer : i never own kyo-sama..

It’s been 2 days since that transferred student came.

Any transferred student would have difficulty in making new friends, but he’s different.

He’s not having any difficulty I guess, he just didn’t want to make friends.


Kyo, that’s his first name. I can’t remember his family name, because I wasn’t paying attention when he was told to introduce himself. I tought he’s going to fit in like any transferred student I’ve seen before. This is our last year as high school students, and I didn’t expect another student would get transferred. Kyo sat in the corner of the class, I can see him from my seat. Mine’s near the window, but I have to look behind to see him. His hair are dyed, blonde. He always put on that face, the “what are you looking at” look at people. But I keep looking at him. i still draw though, drawing is my only escape in school. When there’s break time or the teacher didn’t come in time, I’ll just draw for an excuse. Because everybody else is talking with each other.

I’m the type of person that likes to run away from people, if the bell rings, I would run. Because I don’t have any friends. But fortunately, this is my last year here, I just have to hang on a little more. But this kyo is very interesting to me in some ways. He seems like, didn’t mind if he’s alone.

But there’s no way I could talk to him, or anyone else in this class. I only talk when someone’s asking me, even when I need help.


The bell rings, and all the happy students ran out happily, they’re all going to have the afterschool fun that I’ve never had. “koyama-san” I almost ran away when I heard someone called me, but I don’t have the courage, because it is that kyo-sama I’ve been looking at all day. I turned around, facing him. He’s short but he’s still a little taller than me.  “ha-ha-hai? D-Doushita no?” it’s so rare, for me to talk. And for him as well.

He walked towards me. “oh my god, no. he’s going to get mad at me for looking at him recently, what’d I do? What should I do now? Oh no” I keep mumbling to myself when he stopped. “do you still use that?” he pointed at the doodle  I drawed some minutes ago on a paper. “n-no, w-why?” I still trembled when he took the paper from my table. He look at me sharply. “can I have it?” I nodded in a fast pace, his aura feels temptating and terrifying. He left without saying anything, then I stood there trying to remember what kind of drawing did I just gave him.

Ah--- I remember, a duck.

I draw the ugly duckling.


next day, I’ve stopped looking at him. I feel embarrassed.

“hey how about the sport festival? We need more people right ken?” I heard the boys conversation next to my table. “hey what about the new guy?” asked someone. “the new guy, are you kidding?! Look at him. I dare you to ask him” I rolled my eyes to see who’s talking, it’s our class comitee. Even he said bad things about kyo-sama. “have anyone tried talking to him, anyway? Seriously he’s so weird. He didn’t even want to play football with us” nobody answered. “then it seems the problem is himself, I guess he hated everyone. Where did he come from anyway?”

“I don’t know, he must’ve done some bad things so he gets transferred. Right?”

The conversation continues. I don’t get it, they haven’t even talked to him properly but they judged him that way. “koyama-san!” some classmates of mine snapped my mind. “koyama-san, please help us for the sport festival. You can draw, right?” I look at the girls face who always ignored me and avoid me in class, but when they need something for me..



“c’mon. please draw something, we’re going to open a stand. Draw something to attract people”

“okay, I’ll see what I can do” I smiled wryly to them. They returned the wicked smile as usual and left.

Left me sighing. “here” someone snapped me out of my mind again, but it’s him again. “u-uwaaa!” I gasped, thankgod it’s breaktime so nobody would be surprised of my boldness. He looks at me still not changing expression. Giving me my drawing he took yesterday. “w-why? J-just take it—i—I don’t need that, I’m not lying” he put the paper on the table and walked away. I looked at my stupid drawing and pouts. He must be think of this as a trash, I know that my drawing isn’t good enough.

It’s our second break time, and I just feel like walking. I walk slowly to the rooftop, it used to be peaceful but I guess not anymore. But sometimes it feels okay to walk around people who ignored you. i prefer get ignored than small conversations. The rooftop is full of couples who’s eating their bento. I walked to the corner and ripped the duck drawing kyo-sama returned and crumbled it.

“baka, you should stop drawing if you know you can’t. face it ayako, you can’t draw”

“maybe you should stopped talking to yourself first” I gasped and turned around. “y-you again!” I pointed at him in reflects. “why did you rip it?” he asked. First time he said more words than before. “be-because—because it’s horrible. You even returned it to me” I said looking down at my shoes. “I just borrowed it” he said. “w-what—what are you—d-doing here? please don’t be mad at me for looking at you, I didn’t mean to pick a fight, i—I’m sorry” I said trembling. He didn’t answer, or respond at my sentences at all.

 “do you like drawing?”

Nobody has ever asked, even my mother.

“well, yes of course. But I can’t draw, I’m just nothing compared to other skillful person. Everybody didn’t care anyway, there’s no need for me to tell them, they’re just using me. Nobody cares about who I am or what kind person I am, I’m just a trash just like my drawings.. N-nobody.. c-cares” I stopped, knowing I spoke to much just now.

“trash? so you don’t believe in yourself?”


“if you didn’t believe in yourself, then who would believe you?”

I stared at him for seconds, seconds that clicked in my head.

He’s going to turn around again,


He stopped and stare back at me. He didn’t mind I called him by his first name.

“I wish I could be brave just like you are..”

I stopped and smiled at him.

“I really wish I could, but I think I can’t. but thank you”

“you should at least try”

My eyes widened and smiled again. “let’s go, class would start”

I nodded and walked with him…

First day.

3rd-Dec-2010 11:04 pm - NOM!
mars here~ nothing to post *then why are you posting?
thank you for adding me. owell i don't really have anything to blog
that's why all my blogsites are so quiet hiks hiks~ owell! don't mind ne!
ahaha reminds me of kame's neko funjatta. owell, so i'm going to make this journal a fanfic site
i don't know if it'll work. my english are decreasing ne! ne! ne~ oh and i'm so in love with uepi/tacchan nao
he's so cute naaa~ well see i am not a pedo. i like older guys too! see see see! lol. my friends called me pedo
because i like chinen. oh please, chinen is 17 (JUST TURNED 17) and i am 17 i'm normal ne? ne?
owell but i am a shotacon tho *whacked. but i like uepi~ wuhu~ but FYI i like thom yorke too. (25years indifferent)
haha so. i guess, i'm not that normal oh kay! here's the neko funjatta thing. isn't kame so cute? cute cute cute.

ja ne! i'm going to watch annoying oranges episodes again. i love him so much but i love pear better!~

ka-san aitai yo, bai!
okay hello (´ ∀ `) lazy me here. and this is now my favorite smiley (´ ∀ `) because it represents me.
i just read ueda's NEET MAN 's translation. and realized i AM lazy. i am super lazy there are no one
no one can beat my laziness. even patrick star~  (´ ∀ `)
ooh nothing. nothing. here is KAT-TUN - CHANGE UR WORLD PV Preview
ah johnny have take it back na. but it's so awesome please see

ah uepi.. so cute.
junno's hair is.. erm.. LOV! JUNNO I LOVE YOU JUNNO
*don't mind me i'm just so crazy over KT but i'm a passive fan
like, i'm so late and i didn't even talk in forums. oh boo me
i am so lazy na so lazy so lazy~ (´ ∀ `)

this one is hey say jump's new single~! wait for the PV na wait wait wait. i'm sure it'll be awesome
and oh yamachii(HIKKA) would sing this in tomorrow's school kakumei oyey. i can't wait to hear chinen's

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